Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
