the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
