This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize