He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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