i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
