I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
