Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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