So drunk its hurt
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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