Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
