If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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