remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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