We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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