your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
