'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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