Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
