Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
