I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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