You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we're making bets on your personal life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
