my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
