watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
