halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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