i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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