Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
