Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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