I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
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