why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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