im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
