im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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