whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
