you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i out mim tonsoeep
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