Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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