guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
