I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
