I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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