how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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