Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Someone shit on the floor
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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