Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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