just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
