he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
