I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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