I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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