she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
