He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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