woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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