We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just pee around me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
