yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
