Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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