There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
