I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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