Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
