Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
