need another drink. this is the easiest way
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
