he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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