You smell like stripper and shame
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
