it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
