I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
