We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
