I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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