alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Terrible idea I love it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
