soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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