It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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