sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
