im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
