if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
My breasts were aching with rage.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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