____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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