names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.