Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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  (913): No, drunk sperm still make babies. http://tfl.nu/xn33
  Replies (15) Good night (958) Bad night (5529)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom

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  (630): i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/c6lg
  Replies (17) Good night (1587) Bad night (4378)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Do you think he can smell the vodka?

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  (678): You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house. (404): Do you think he can smell the vodka? http://tfl.nu/oujs
  Replies (35) Good night (806) Bad night (4743)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

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  (914): Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting." http://tfl.nu/dhfp
  Replies (27) Good night (4105) Bad night (1993)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

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  (914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv
  Replies (13) Good night (6426) Bad night (919)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.

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  (740): he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero. http://tfl.nu/6a8a
  Replies (10) Good night (3437) Bad night (919)
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  (854): View more from

  i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews

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  (854): i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews http://tfl.nu/lvjo
  Replies (8) Good night (1762) Bad night (805)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.

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  (519): Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey. http://tfl.nu/gckq
  Replies (10) Good night (1830) Bad night (867)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.

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  (972): I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me. http://tfl.nu/5z1z
  Replies (3) Good night (1966) Bad night (567)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June

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  (864): Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June http://tfl.nu/abqo
  Replies (16) Good night (1863) Bad night (1837)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.

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  (423): Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone. http://tfl.nu/b7in
  Replies (10) Good night (1994) Bad night (427)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...

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  (815): High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes... http://tfl.nu/ssal
  Replies (5) Good night (1340) Bad night (452)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?

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  (612): She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy? http://tfl.nu/le82
  Replies (16) Good night (1013) Bad night (710)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.

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  (319): I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls. http://tfl.nu/wkuc
  Replies (3) Good night (417) Bad night (718)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.

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  (248): I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex. http://tfl.nu/x4c4
  Replies (8) Good night (204) Bad night (594)

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