I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
