he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.