My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
